Rocky V

The fifth chapter in the legendary franchise is a stumbling mess that fails to land a punch.

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PRE-GAME 🥊

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Welcome back to Balls on Film! 👋🏻

I hope you’re all doing well and staying safe. As you read this, we’ll be in the middle of Storm Éowyn here in Scotland, and I’ll be very honest with you guys - I’m feeling pretty nervous about it. We’ve been issued with a red weather alert and ‘danger to life’ warnings, as wind gusts are expected to hit 80-90mph which almost never happens where I live. I’m seeing a lot of weather experts in the media calling this the worst storm in generations for parts of the UK, and I certainly won’t be leaving the house until it’s over. I just hope that my house actually makes it through in one piece!

We’re well into our Rocky coverage now, and I’d like to thank John Lees for stopping by again this week for the next instalment. As I’ve mentioned before, John writes comics and his work includes And Then Emily Was Gone, Oxymoron: The Loveliest Nightmare, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Universe #6 and Glasgow-based crime thriller Sink, all to critical acclaim. His horror anthology series Hotell has been optioned for film, with an adaptation from writer/director Elle Callahan currently in development. Maybe John will write a sports-related comic one day that we can talk about here!

With that, I’ll hand over to John. I’ll be back at half time!

John: Hello! Thanks to James for inviting me back again to continue my Rocky review series with you. Let’s get into Rocky V!

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FIRST HALF 🥊

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Having hung up his gloves, Rocky Balboa trades combat for mentorship in the fifth instalment of the series. He takes over Mickey's gym, where he takes a determined young fighter under his wing.

The nicest thing I can say about Rocky V is that it has some really strong ideas, like Rocky Balboa's life after retirement, his relationship with his son, or Rocky training a successor, that later films like Rocky Balboa or Creed would execute far more effectively. But man, this is a terrible film, one that feels like an act of vandalism on the story and characters that are beloved by so many. That could be the worst thing about it: if this was just its own film it would be a shambling, hamfisted, maudlin melodrama. But as a continuation - and at the time, the final chapter - of the famed Rocky saga, it is even more painful to watch.

MGM

Rocky V is cheesy and unrealistic, but the Rocky sequels - and, depending on who you ask, the original - were cheesy and unrealistic too. But they were never downbeat. Even when Rocky had nothing in the early films, even in moments of tragedy, the films were always feel-good stories. But this is just depressing. I can appreciate the need to get rid of the mansion and the excess of Rocky III and IV to get back to basics, but it's not only improbable to have Rocky hit such rock bottom that he's back in the old house and old clothes and old jobs of the first films, it's just not a nice way for Rocky's story to end. And Rocky himself may suddenly be back to talking the way he did in Rocky II, but he too seems to have become quite an unlikeable character. Yes, Sage Stallone isn't that good an actor so his "rebellious teen" phase comes across pretty laughable, but you can't blame him, because Rocky is a comically shit dad this time around, blatantly belittling and disregarding Rocky Jr in favour of Tommy Gunn repeatedly and even giving Tommy his son's bed.

MGM

Tommy Gunn is a real damp squib of an antagonist too, his character turns rushed and unbelievable, and him having nowhere near the charisma of Rocky's previous foes. The climactic "street fight" that ends the film is a joke, too.

MGM

Just about the only scenes in the whole film I liked are the very first scene - which sets up Rocky's brain damage in poignant fashion only for it to never be explored much further - and the very last scene, a tender moment between real-life father and son on the famous steps, which has taken on a sad new meaning given Sage's tragic death a few years back.

MGM

Rocky V may have killed the franchise stone dead for 16 years, but I'm glad Sylvester Stallone righted this wrong with Rocky Balboa, as it would have been a shame if this had been the character's swan-song. Easily the worst of the series, and the only one I don't like.

Rocky V is available to rent or buy via most digital stores.

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HALFTIME 🥊

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Let’s take a break for halftime.

Here’s what else we’ve been watching and enjoying this week:

Thelma

James: I’m trying to work through some 2024 movies that I missed, and I’d been looking forward to this for a while. Thelma is really sweet and charming, and absolutely hilarious at times too. It’s the story of a 93 year old woman who gets duped by a phone scammer, and loses her savings. She goes on a journey across Los Angeles to get it back. There’s some really sad and heartfelt moments here as well, when it takes a look at elderly loneliness and feeling forgotten. June Squibb is awesome, and I loved all the takes on spy and crime movies. I loved it!

Available to purchase via most digital platforms.

Hundreds of Beavers

John: This movie is insane. If I were to describe it, the best way I could manage is to say that it's a live action Looney Tunes cartoon that follows one fur trapper's long, arduous journey of transformation from Elmer Fudd into Bugs Bunny. Honestly, it didn't entirely work for me. Some gags are drawn out so long and so heavily over-used that there were periods where I was checking my watch wondering how this somehow had over an hour left on its runtime. But when it lands, boy, does it land. It won't be for everyone. I'm not even sure it was for me. But it needs to be seen to be believed.

Available to purchase via most digital stores and available to stream on Shudder in the UK.

Let us know what you’ve been watching in the comments, or in the subscriber chat.

A quick reminder: if the newsletter isn’t going to your inbox, and going to junk mail instead, please be sure to locate the mail in your junk folder, and mark it as not spam. Alternatively, just reply to any email from me with a quick hello, and it shouldn’t happen again!

Let’s get back into the ring.

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SECOND HALF 🥊

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Let’s jump into some awards and bonus content. Although ‘best’ in a couple of these awards is really doing some heavy lifting this week!

BEST SCENE 🏆

There’s not a whole lot to choose from, but the locker room scene is the best thing here.

BEST LINE 🏆

Rocky Balboa: “I've got to fight, ok. I've got a problem. I've got to fight.”

IMDB TRIVIA HIGHLIGHT 🏆

Per iMDb:

Sylvester Stallone originally toyed with the idea of killing Rocky off at the end of the film. The plan was that Rocky would die in an ambulance on its way to the hospital with Adrian by his side. At the hospital, she would have announced to the world of his passing and his spirit would live on with a final flashback of the famous scene of him running up the steps. Stallone ultimately abandoned this concept and rewrote the ending.

BEST LETTERBOXD REVIEW 🏆

I couldn’t agree more.

Ash on Letterboxd

BONUS FEATURE 💿

Here’s Sylvester Stallone and Sage Stallone talking about the film in a two part interview. I didn’t rate the movie, but this is still worth a watch.

And part two:

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POST-GAME 🥊

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James: Thanks to John for joining us again this week! Let us know what you thought of the movie in the comments. If you love this one and don’t agree with John’s take, let us know.

I’ve been enjoying some great writing from some of my favourite people on Substack this week. Please check out

Beth Lisogorsky

’s words on Life After Beth, which has made me want to back and revisit the film:

Is There Really "Life After Beth"?

Over at

Brunello Bombshell

,

Maria Banson

is expanding her writing to five days per week, and I really enjoyed the live Oscar nominations reactions from yesterday:

Oscar Noms Reactions

Perhaps I should test out this live feature in the middle of the storm today here in Scotland. What do you think? 😃

We’re switching lanes next week for our first racing movie here at Balls on Film. A few of you recommended Rush (2013) when I asked for your favourite ones, so let’s start there. I’ve never seen it, so it’ll be a first-time watch/review for me. Join me then!

See you guys next week! 👋🏻

~James